'Create a Life You Love' Newsletter

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ISSUE #36: ''How to Have That Courageous Conversation, and Why'

'Life coaching tips on having MORE in your life. More fun, more love, more peace, more excitement.'

David Wood, PCC
SolutionBox™
Support Center
www.solutionbox.com

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Contents

1. Announcements/Offers
2. 'How to Have That Courageous Conversation, and Why' (FEATURE)
3. The Personal Touch
4. About the 'Create a Life You Love' Newsletter


1. Announcements/Offers

Free Goals Report

Discover your top three life goals in under 10 minutes at:

http://www.freegoalsreport.com/quiz.asp?id=45

New WebSite Launched by SolutionBox™

http://www.CourageousConversations.net is now live, complete with new discussion board!

Free Coaching on That Courageous Conversation

Read below for details...

 


2. FEATURE: How to Have That Courageous Conversation, and Why

In this article I'll tell you why having the courageous Conversations in your life is the most important thing you can do for your spiritual growth, and for your freedom and fun on this planet. And - I'll tell you how to have them.

What is a 'Courageous Conversation' (CC)?

A CC is the one you don't want to have. In fact, the best CC for you is probably the one you haven't even thought of having.

Take a minute now - what's the hardest conversation you can imagine having? And with whom? What is it you're holding back? When you've got it....keep reading....

It's also a conversation that can transform your relationships, and set you free.

OK - But Give Me Examples...

  • "I've hated you for leaving me"
  • "I'm angry at how you treat your children"
  • "I stole $2,000 from you 20 years ago"
  • "I'm in the country illegally, and would like to apply for legal residency"
  • "We've never said 'I love you' in our family, and I love you"
  • "Will you marry me?"
  • "I'm not enjoying our sex life"
  • "I had an affair five years ago"
  • "I really gave you a hard time at school/that old job - and I'm sorry"
  • "I should have told you I have an STD before we had sex"
  • "I'm in love with you, and am scared of threatening your marriage, but more afraid of hearing you don't love me"
  • "I'd like to feel acknowledged for all the hard work I do"
  • "I know I abused you sexually, and I apologise from the bottom of my heart"
  • "I love you so much it scares me. And...I think your ears are really big and can't stop thinking about them"

How Do I Know I Need One?

Well - are ALL your relationships great? With your partner? Your family? Your boss and staff?

If they are anything less than wonderful, chances are you have something 'withheld' - that once expressed could set you both free.

Or you may have some far more obvious clues:

- you're angry at someone

- you're avoiding someone

- you're embarrassed or ashamed of something

- you're scared something will be found out one day

- you're worried about the consequences of the conversation

- when you imagine the conversation, you feel uncomfortable.


And the best clue of all: You don't want to have the conversation!

This is a sure sign that your system is avoiding something.

In a nutshell - you probably haven't had the CC yet because you're afraid of the outcome; that you'll lose something or feel VERY uncomfortable.

Another great clue is that it's been more than a year, maybe even TEN, and it still comes up in your mind every now and then, or now while you're reading this article.

Why Should I Have This Courageous Conversation?

Shouldn't it be buried? Isn't the past just the past?

The answer is - if you have absolutely no charge on it - if it doesn't come to your mind when you sit down to think about it - then it may be unimportant.

But if you feel any stored guilt, any anger, any sadness, any love - in fact anything that is unexpressed - then better out than in.

The CC's (Courageous Conversations) show us where our barriers are - where we're most scared. Now if you want to live your life in the sandbox of your comfort zone...well...you're on the wrong newsletter list ;-)

But if you're committed to constantly pushing back your boundaries - breaking through barriers to feel new realms of joyous flowing self expression - to live a life without fear - then have the conversation.

Other benefits include increasing your 'vibration' so others want to be around you, getting more deeply related to the person you're having the conversation with, and setting an example for others.

The Effect On Others...

It's also amazing the effect it can have on the other person. My brother called an old girlfriend to say "I've been thinking about how I broke up with you, and I want you to know it wasn't your fault". Turns out she'd had several guys in a row break up with her, and it meant the world to her to hear this. My brother - the penniless student - got off the phone and said to me: "That experience was worth $5,000 to me".

Some people justify not having the conversation by saying "I'll just move on", or "It's enough that I know about it", or "It might upset them". In my experience, having the conversation in your head isn't enough (unless they have died). It's in the speaking it to them that transformation occurs for both of you.

And another benefit: Imagine how fearless they might be once they've seen you set an example. Your courage can ripple out and change the world. I've had people say: "You know, after you called me, I started thinking. And I picked up the phone and called..."

The Risk

Now I'm not guaranteeing you or they will like the results. In MY experience, and in the experience of my clients, the outcome has ALMOST ALWAYS been positive in some way. However, the outcome may be even worse than you feared. And if it is, I say that's the outcome that was meant to happen - and you had been distorting it/avoiding it by holding back. Time to trust and let the universe flow where it will...

Perhaps this is a good time to say having Courageous Conversations can lead to bankruptcy, prison, death, or even worse. The spiritual warrior realises this, puts truth and love above all outcomes, and takes what he or she gets with grace. As always, you're fully responsible for any actions you take as a result of reading this newsletter. In fact, that's kind of the point!

If having this conversation could have legal or medical consequences, I recommend consulting a lawyer, doctor or other appropriate professional first so you know what you are dealing with.

Couldn't It Hurt Them?

It's true you have a responsibility to speak with compassion, and to speak responsibly. i.e. Take responsibility as much as you can for what you have done, and avoid blaming.

It's also true that no matter how compassionately or gently you share the truth - the other person may feel pain. And again, I say that's not necessarily a bad thing - maybe that's what is meant to happen. Plus - in my experience, it usually does more good than harm.

It's important to note that it's very common to use 'It might upset them' as an excuse for wimping out.

If you truly believe they may be damaged in some way by this conversation, please work with a coach or get the advice of a trained professional to ensure your wording is responsible - this can make a huge difference.

Hint: If you're still blaming or judging them in any way - work with a coach to get over it first!

7 Steps to Having That Courageous Conversation

Step 1) Choose someone you don't feel 100% wonderful or complete with, but would like to.

Step 2) Identify the truth/core of what you want to express. If you were to die today, but could pass a message to each person you know to clean up anything left incomplete, what would that message be? I suggest you list the people you have the strongest feelings about (positive or negative), and write down next to each name the message for them. (Working with a coach can help you get to the core of this, and ensure you are taking responsibility instead of blaming)

Step 3) Identify the worst outcome you can imagine

Step 4) Accept that possibility (Let go of the thing you were holding on to e.g. money, being right, staying out of prison, not upsetting someone)

Step 5) Remember it's OK to feel uncomfortable - even terrified. Your vocal chords will probably still function. The greater the fear, the more you have to gain. The chances of you dying are normally quite low.

Step 6) Remember it's actually possible to have fun with this. After all - it's better than any rollercoaster you can imagine. You are truly living....

Step 7) Pick up the phone, share honestly, and take what you get!

Coaching Available

I'm available for one-off 30 minute phone coaching sessions on having that particularly Courageous Conversation: email me at The fee is $150, with $50 going to charity, and comes with a money back guarantee (providing you actually HAVE the conversation<smile>).

Free Coaching to First 20 People

Further, I'll do a one-time burst of cyber coaching, free, for the first 20 people who post their issue (no more than 200 words please) in the new discussion board here:

http://becomeacoach.com/life-coaching/index.php?c=8

Web Site Launched!

www.CourageousConversations.net is now available to assist people in having that particularly difficult conversation.

Please help us inspire the world! What was your most courageous conversation? Anything at all that was difficult for you to face/say?

Please post your success story here, including the results for you and the other person:

http://becomeacoach.com/life-coaching/index.php?c=8

Want to Hear Life Coaching On This?

Listen to me coach courageous people on having some of the most difficult conversations of their lives. Available at www.CoachingClips.com in the General Library 1 and General Library 2.

 

Enjoy,

(P.S. This article is a followup to 'Skeletons In The Closet')


3. The Personal Touch

I'm on quite a wild ride right now....here's what's been happening the last 6 weeks:

1) Bronwyn and I broke up August 14, and I left for the 8 day intensive with Paul Lowe in California. More in my body, more present; less caring about what my mind is doing. (see www.paullowe.org). Had a flash that now that I have no 'relationship', I actually don't have to be home……ever. Money is good right now, so I've decided I can go where I want, do what I want, be with who I want…..and for as long as I want. Is this my new life? Where do I live? I live where I am.

2) Went into the middle of the Nevada desert to camp for 7 days for Burning Man (www.burningman.com) with Jon and Carin. We built a huge futuristic party/city of 36,000 people, for 7 days only. And I'm going back next year. Learned to trust the flow - going one step at a time to see what/who comes. And felt the great joy of giving for the sake of giving (it's a gifting economy).

3) In the dessert, while watching a huge temple burn, met a tandem sky dive instructor - and I've always wanted to dive. He said 'Dave - if you show up in Tahoe Tuesday 10am, it's a gift'. When the universe dials your number, you don't hang up - right? So rearranged my flights, rented a car, and showed up. There's no way to really describe freefall. (Video of my dive here:
www.life-coaching-resource.com/coaching-video.htm#dive).

On the way up he tells the video guy "Oh damn, I forgot to trim that cable". "So what are you going to do?" "Hmmm - it's all good. It'll work". And he was serious - if you watch closely, you'll see him pull the first rip cord and nothing happens!

4) Arrived in New York 3 weeks ago and it's a lifetime already. Dating, dancing, having fun with my soul mate Jon, and cuddles and tension with his girlfriend and my sweet annoying love, Carin. Really good to see Leanne too. Decided I live here now, and took out a 2 year cell phone contract.

5) I miss Bron and want her in my life in some way - some deep way. She is expanded, LOVING life, loving me, fully living, present, and 'not knowing' about the future. An amazing being in an amazing space. Feel a fear of 'losing' her, and at times missing the safety and comfort of my old life.

6) Just did a workshop on the Spirituality of BDSM - boy is that a trip. The more adventurous among you can do a Google on 'Dark Odyssey' and 'Black Rose Washington DC'.

7) I have a new coach/mentor who is training me in Taoist principles related to health and longevity, vitality, non-ejaculatory orgasm, female expanded orgasm, and female ejaculation (boy was that demonstration a surprise!).

8) Spending 2-3 weeks at Hedonism II in Jamaica soon (I'll be coaching squash a little each day as the visiting squash pro), then back to New York. Also feeling tiny tugs to go to Maui, Calgary, and Byron Bay.

And that's it! (or most of it : ))

Lots of love and fun,

David


4. About the 'Create a Life You Love' Newsletter

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Support Center
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David Wood is a Professional Life Coach, and author of the powerful Free Download: '50 Life Coaching Questions to Take Control of Your Life and Help Your Clients'. He helps coaches, consultants, speakers and trainers to build their businesses via his popular ebook: "10 Super Coaches Share Their Secrets" and his audio ebook: "Getting Your First 50 Clients".

"David Wood is a personal and business coach, and an original founder of the International Coach Academy - a global coach training school"

Copyright 2001-2004 Life Coaching Resource.com


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