'Create a Life You Love' Newsletter
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101 Self Help Experts Share Their Advice
David Riklan of Selfgrowth.com has just launched a one of a kind. Now for the first time ever you can get advice from 101 Self Help experts in one easy to read ebook.
And - you can even listen to audio clips from each expert. This is a great resource for any coach, or anyone committed to their personal growth.
(Actually, what had me buy it was one of the fr'ee bonuses - a list of the top 101 inspirational movies of all time. I really love the memorable quotes section).
Is Spam Bugging You as Much as it is Me?
The amount of rubbish I've been getting in my inbox from the latest virus has been driving me nuts! Sure I've got great virus protection, but it still takes forever to download all the viruses before it cleans them.
I've just discovered MailWasher, which is brilliant! You ~wash~
How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didnt want to do? For someone at work? Your friends? Even your spouse? All you had to do was say no, but the word didnt come out. So you end up doing it and later resent it.
A coaching client said to me she was agreeing to things she didnt want to do, but for some reason, she felt obliged to do them. Instead of taking enjoyment in the task, she would later feel angry with herself and resentful towards the person she had said yes to.
So then she went on to list further reasons why she wanted to say no. I stopped her by saying, You are even justifying yourself to me! We feel we have to justify ourselves and give extremely good reasons for saying no. Even when the reason is simply: I dont want to.
Check-in With Yourself
I asked my client what was one thing she could do to work on this. She suggested she start checking in with herself before saying yes or no. You can ask yourself, Is this right for me? Support yourself in doing what feels right and well with you. And if its not something for you, try expressing that no.
Have Fun With It!
Saying no doesnt have to be serious or angry. My client also wanted to lighten up, so I recommended she try stirring it up a little, to have fun with it. You can try out different responses like, Nope, never as long as I live or Baby sit your kids - are you crazy? What are some other great responses you can try to make 'saying no' more fun?
Make a List
I suggested my client list the areas and people in her life where she had the most trouble saying no. I told her it was up to her what to do with that list. Where do you have trouble saying no? Is it perhaps time to have some honest conversations with people?
Try this: This is what I have been doing. I have been saying yes, when I have wanted to say no. I am starting to feel resentful and I dont want to feel that way. I don't want to offend you, and I need to start listening to myself. At the very least, they will have a heads-up that things might be a little different from now one. And - it helps you make an internal shift.
Taking the Plunge
So what is the worst that could happen by saying no? You might lose some people in your life who are used to you doing what they want. Living an authentic life can seem tough. Sometimes there will be unwelcome consequences.
And I say: Bring on the consequences! In the end, its worth it.
P.S. Would you like to hear the actual coaching session with this client?
It's available online now at:
Boy - where to start! I just traveled the world for 6 weeks. 12 days in a Paul Lowe course in Germany where I had many flashes of insight, but more importantly felt very alive! Then 2 weeks in New York having a blast with my friends, and then on to Hawaii to meet up with the wonderful, fabulous Bronwyn! (Yes - of course she reads this section(grin)).
We stayed in the 'More House', which is either an advanced seat of learning or a weird hippy commune - depending on your viewpoint - and learned more about how to have fun with each other in the man-woman game. Which we are!
I did my first EVER stand up comedy gig on June 28, which I loved! (You can view this 5 min of fame online at: http://www.life-coaching-resource.com/coaching-video.htm )
I'm enjoying writing comedy, and did my second gig two nights ago at the Lismore Lizard Lounge (where else?) with 99% new material. Two more gigs coming next week!
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