'Create a Life You Love' Newsletter
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Can you imagine being a fly on the wall…
For some of my very best coaching sessions from the last 3 years? Listening to a client have a powerful breakthrough? Or hear me mentor a coach on building a successful web site?
Even better - I’ve whittled them down to the power sections – some clips are only 1-5 minutes! Check it out here:
Some people are not in a position to work with a coach right now. Some are stretched financially, while some are still using the “lone ranger” method. Other people might be uncertain about trying something new.
So here is a brief, simple process I often use with clients that you can apply to you own situation i.e. coach yourself! And at the end of the article I will mention how you can go even further than this using a professional coach.
STEP 1) Clarify your goal
Some of us are not moving forward simply because we have not set a goal that inspires us! Make it specific e.g. 20% increase in income by January 1. And you can stretch yourself, but keep it realistic. If you’re blocked, schedule creative time to play with ideas. Dream, cry, challenge. Ask someone. Create it! Don’t get hung up on the ‘right’ goal, just pick something exciting that takes your fancy – then trust yourself, and move to Step 2).
STEP 2) Plan
What overall strategy(s) will you use? For example, to lose weight, will your strategy be dietary, exercise based, or a combination? To increase income will you increase your knowledge, switch employers, network, or improve performance. For this stage you will also set your milestones to achieve along the way, with deadlines attached (say every 3-6 months). Also list the tasks to achieve along the way in between milestones.
STEP 3) Action
Once you have the overall plan in place, it’s time to get down to specific action. You might like to list the action steps you will take in the next 7 days, or the next 30. When you have completed these actions, it’s time to evaluate, celebrate, and write the next list of action steps.
STEP 4) Structure
Having an idea, or desire is one thing. But many of these do not get achieved. This is probably one reason you are reading this article – because there is something in your life you would like to achieve or change, but it hasn’t happened yet. Change rarely occurs without a “structure” in place to support you. For example, if you want to be a public speaker, surround yourself with speakers. Talk a friend into doing your goal with you. Ask someone to check in on you once a fortnight to ask how you’re going. Set constant diary reminders for the next month, and/or encouraging visual displays on the wall. Announcing your commitment to the world (all your friends) is also a great structure.
And if you’re really serious about your goal, it’s hard to find a more powerful structure than hiring a coach. Does speaking to someone once a week, and taking time out each week to focus on what’s important to you, sound like it might make a difference? You bet!
Partner Sitting on Butt!: MR, New Zealand
“Dear David, I am planning to move to Europe with my partner. We had a trip planned last year, it didn't happen, we have a trip planned this coming year and it doesn't look like happening. My partner is on unemployment, doesn't seem to prioritise looking for work, and is letting things get in the way of increased income. I am losing respect for him and getting frustrated.”
(Coaches Note to Readers: I’m sure this is not your exact situation. But if there is anything you’re consistently needing from your partner that you’re not getting, I invite you to apply the ~principles~ here to your situation.)
COACH RESPONSE: MR, Frustration happens when we’re not being responsible. Write down your ideal requests, and ask him what it would take to make these happen, or to make these fun enough for him to really want to do them (the Enthusing method). Also write down what anything you need/require (these are stronger), and the consequences (what you will do) if these are not met (the Boundaries method). Let me know!
MR RESPONSE: Hi David, writing these down was good and I got strength from knowing I can request certain things. Then I got up the courage to talk to him about it all...(2 days) then I opened a discussion to move us towards stating needs and making requests of each other. Then I said can we talk tomorrow, I didn't want to spring it on you without giving you a chance to state your needs and make requests of me.
Went down like a lead balloon. Some great discussion but now he is angry and defensive. Me too. Seems we are moving and resistance is coming up. Losing some assumptions upon which our relationship has been based (unhelpful).
Now I've read your instructions again and see the fun bit - of course I forgot this bit and I was too heavy AND very frustrated. Woops. Have to remember to have fun and make it seem possible.(AHHHHH)
Thanks for your suggestions, I am taking more responsibility.
COACH RESPONSE: Good for you MR!
Remember to give him a chance to win - he needs to feel he is helping you/doing the right thing as you both grow and change.
Lots of acknowledgment and appreciation can help here.
MR RESPONSE: Great David! I gave lots of encouragement and opportunities for him to win. Today had the more formal (powerful) discussion re my needs, my specific requests and possible consequences...we both handled it very well and it moved us forward to a new level in our relationship...I have encouraged him to 'call it' if I disappoint him on any agreements, and set up clear agreements around coming him off unemployment, a certain dollar figure of income and two others...he agreed and felt a greater clarity, as I do, about expectations between us. I feel we have set up strong agreements that can be monitored. I feel GREAT.
Well – here’s what’s been going with me in the last four months:
Late last year I took on the position of Chair of the Publicity Committee for the International Coach Federation based in Washington, D.C. A great chance to raise the profile of coaching world wide, and to network with some very high level coaches. (Consider joining at www.coachfederation.org)
Recently SBS television (Australia) showed a great piece on coaching, which featured me doing some on camera coaching helping people to find a partner. I’ve also been helping Cosmopolitan with some stories, and have some more exciting television possibilities opening up.
Over Christmas Bronwyn and I spent a month in Thailand, and I wrote 29,000 words on my new book! (A relationship guide for men, with one for women also in the works). I’m setting up a Research team soon for the book (it will be an email list). Stay tuned for your invitation!
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